So that’s what I feel God keep on telling me. The other day I was reading a blog and they had a list of writing tips, and one of them was to write, ALL THE TIME.

That hit me, write all the time. You know that doesn’t make me feel too overwhelmed. I LOVE to write, and I have no problem with God telling me to “just write.” But you know, writing, doesn’t pay the bills.

What I’m mostly scared of: I will have to find a job and I won’t be able to stay home with my kids and homeschool them.

I want to be a stay at home mom, and I really feel like God has truly called us to homeschool our kiddos. I know it was God, because it certainly wasn’t anything *I* would have even considered.

You notice how God calls us to do things we wouldn’t normally do? Yeah, that’s the story of my life, haha!

So that’s what I feel like God is just calling me to do – just right – all the time. Or whenever I get the chance. And it helps to write whenever I get the chance. There is so much floating around in this brain of mine, that writing is a bit of a sanctuary and a way for me to get these thoughts out so I can focus on my other responsibilities.

So writing it is,and I will trust for God to provide. So far, so good. No one is starving yet, and our bills are paid, so I guess that’s a good start.

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So I finally did something I have been needing to do for such a long time. But there has been fear. The kind of fear that is DEEP down in the pit of your stomach that makes you freeze and do NOTHING.

Well this week I finally overcame that fear, and you know what it hurt so much. I mean, I felt physical pain for saying goodbye. However I did learn a lot about myself in this. One thing I learned, I was only hanging on because it was the ONE thing I felt like I was good at. It was the one dream that I finally accomplished. I was successful.

I have problems with feeling like a failure. So many dreams I’ve had in the past and I have failed at them. Even the things God is calling me to do I feel like such a failure at it. Being a mom I feel like a failure sometimes, and don’t even get me started on being a wife.

But I know that failure doesn’t mean I’m not qualified. God says I’m qualified so I show up. I do my best. Sometimes I fail, but I get right back up. Through my failures I learn, but most importantly I become STRONGER.

I can see how much stronger I am now. I can feel it. Yes the fear hurt me, but I was STRONG enough to move past it, even though it hurt me. Right now, I feel like a conqueror, but I know I can only feel this way because of God. Because of His strength.

He gave me strength. How? By letting me go through trials. I know that a lot of don’t like to go through trials, myself included. But truly the only way we will become stronger is if we go through, not go around, or over and under. No, we gain strength by going through the trials.

Through my trials I have learned to always trust God no matter what. Through every conflict I become stronger, and I have learned to face my fears in order to be obedient to God.

Yes there are times when I feel like a failure. But TODAY I feel like a conqueror!

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