So I have been struggling for about two years now with the desire to have another child. This would be mine and my husbands fourth child. Whenever I think about having another baby I DO get a bit overwhelmed and often wonder is this God’s will or mine.

However lately I have prayed a lot asking for God to either take this desire away if it is my will and not His, or to offer up a breakthrough as soon as possible. It’s difficult living with that type of desire. You see my husband had a vasectomy, so IF I did get pregnant it would be a total miracle. It would also be a miracle to talk my husband into getting his vasectomy reversed!

Recently I finally asked for prayer over this and so far my feedback has been a lot of understanding and support. Of course I got the hey “maybe you should adopt” which I am all for adoption but the problem is this desire is for another one of my own. Then I got the “maybe you are just scared to let this phase of your life go” and I have considered this too, and that’s when I asked God to take the desire to have another child away if it was not His will.

Recently I had been so worried that having another baby was selfish on my part, and in some way I am looking to fill a need or a void in my life. But then it occurred to me having a baby is NOT selfish. I mean look at my life NOW, being a mom is filled with a lot of self sacrifice, not to mention it’s hard work.

This desire is from God. I truly believe that. So now I am just waiting, patiently. I am waiting for the desire to be fulfilled. I am waiting for God’s timing.

I worry what will happen if this isn’t the month, or the next month. But you know even if I don’t get pregnant this month, or next month, or the next, God is STILL God. He is still there, and He DOES hear my prayers – I know He hears them, He has given me signs for the past 3 months that my prayers are being heard.

I know my faith may seem a bit out there, but I’m not ashamed. God is God. If this is His will then I will believe every day, week, month, year for it to come to pass. It’s out there, I know. But ALL things are possible with God…

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So when I first started this blog TWO years ago I wanted to journal what it was like to be a mom trying to start an online ministry. Eventually I closed up the ministry I had originally started, and honestly I don’t regret that move one bit.

Even though I moved away from trying to work in full time ministry, I still feel like it was necessary. If not necessary then God definitely used the situation to move me in the right direction.

Right now I’m back on the mission of working towards full time ministry. I am also in the process of writing a book. Although I haven’t added much to the book lately, I have some pages written out. I’m very excited about it and I plan to self publish unless God opens another door somehow.

My goal was to finish writing the book by the end of this summer. But right now I am working on clearing up my design queue so I can focus more on working on the ministry God has laid upon my heart. I’m almost done with the designs, and I haven’t taken on any new designs except for a few odds and ends here and there.

I have just been busy trying to build up a readership base, since I plan to self publish it would hopefully help give me some kind of platform to launch my book. This is exciting stuff!

Life has been good, going and moving right along. I’m really working to listen to God and move in the direction I feel He would like for me to move. It’s something I have to work on everyday. Sometimes the current day is all I can really focus on. It certainly can be too overwhelming to focus on the future.

Just taking it one step at a time….that’s all we really can do, right?

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