So I have been struggling for about two years now with the desire to have another child. This would be mine and my husbands fourth child. Whenever I think about having another baby I DO get a bit overwhelmed and often wonder is this God’s will or mine.
However lately I have prayed a lot asking for God to either take this desire away if it is my will and not His, or to offer up a breakthrough as soon as possible. It’s difficult living with that type of desire. You see my husband had a vasectomy, so IF I did get pregnant it would be a total miracle. It would also be a miracle to talk my husband into getting his vasectomy reversed!
Recently I finally asked for prayer over this and so far my feedback has been a lot of understanding and support. Of course I got the hey “maybe you should adopt” which I am all for adoption but the problem is this desire is for another one of my own. Then I got the “maybe you are just scared to let this phase of your life go” and I have considered this too, and that’s when I asked God to take the desire to have another child away if it was not His will.
Recently I had been so worried that having another baby was selfish on my part, and in some way I am looking to fill a need or a void in my life. But then it occurred to me having a baby is NOT selfish. I mean look at my life NOW, being a mom is filled with a lot of self sacrifice, not to mention it’s hard work.
This desire is from God. I truly believe that. So now I am just waiting, patiently. I am waiting for the desire to be fulfilled. I am waiting for God’s timing.
I worry what will happen if this isn’t the month, or the next month. But you know even if I don’t get pregnant this month, or next month, or the next, God is STILL God. He is still there, and He DOES hear my prayers – I know He hears them, He has given me signs for the past 3 months that my prayers are being heard.
I know my faith may seem a bit out there, but I’m not ashamed. God is God. If this is His will then I will believe every day, week, month, year for it to come to pass. It’s out there, I know. But ALL things are possible with God…
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