I have been struggling finishing up this Bible Study I am working on, and I have no idea why! I thought I was avoiding God, but I’m not sure that’s the case. There is a good amount of the Bible Study sitting in my notebook, now I just need to add them to the Bible Study group, but for some reason it’s a struggle for me right now.

Although through this whole study I have been amazed how God used MY life and the lessons learned to get through this study. I’m always amazed at how God works. He has already laid upon my heart what the next study is going to be about, and don’t you know things in my life have already been shaken up to help push me through this upcoming study…

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Today I came across two blogs where people are like “I’m pregnant, look at my growing belly” and it really just feels like a slap in the face. I hate myself for not being happy for them the first minute I read they are pregnant. I’m mad that the first thing I think about is how much I want to be pregnant right now.

It’s wrong for me to think like this, I know. I am blessed to have 3 beautiful, happy, and HEALTHY children. I should just automatically be happy for them, but honestly it takes a minute for the sting to go away before I can truly be happy for them, and once I do get there I am totally and completely happy for them.

Last night hubby and I had another talk about another baby. One thing he said that is so true – “Our goal isn’t to have another baby.” He’s right. Our goal isn’t to have another baby, our goal is to live a life for God, have a healthy marriage, raise godly children, and serve the Lord with our lives. Another baby will just be another blessing.

So that’s what I’m working towards. I just wish I didn’t think about having a baby it so much….

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