One thing I have learned within the past month is that life can really be so unpredictable. However within the “unpredictable” God really can show His power. He shows us that HE is in control.

We can work as much as we like, save money, say the right things, go to church, read the Bible. We can be the bestest Christian, wife, mother, friend the Bible says we should be. But all of our efforts could easily be rejected, denied, ignored, misinterpreted, forgotten, or simply not enough.

No matter how hard you work everything in your house and car can quite literally break down all at once. So many other things can happen, bad things, things that are very difficult to deal with. It may seem at times that our efforts don’t mean anything, and the Bible says that our good deeds are like filthy rags.

They probably feel like they don’t mean nothing simply because they don’t. Sure we should always work towards being all that Christ created us to be. But sometimes we forget the one most important ingredient needed to make these “things” work, and that is surrender.

Surrender to God’s will for our life. Surrender to living a life according to Jesus, with the Bible as our instruction.

Surrender…that’s a difficult one for me. But right now it feels like such a burden is lifted off my shoulder’s by simply surrendering to God.

Surrender to me right now means just doing what God says to do. I feel like I have a good STRONG discernment from the Lord. It comes in the form of “feelings” and I know what I’m suppose to do. If I’m not sure I bring it to God. But sometimes I use the “I don’t know” excuse in to order to stall. You know, dig my feet in because I’m too afraid or I don’t “agree” with God, lol.

Our family is gearing up for a very difficult year financially. The only way we will get through is by God’s grace, so that’s what I’m relying on. My dad reminded me of a saying: God’s will won’t take you where God’s grace isn’t enough. Something like that.

God’s grace is what I’m focusing on. Already this new change for the new year has already started moving me on with some projects I have been keeping on the back burner. I think God wants me to move. I know that this is a time of growth, and I count it all as joy.

Right now is a time of surrender for me…and it feels really, really good.

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You know every time I tell someone we homeschool, we don’t celebrate Halloween, the Easter Bunny doesn’t come to our house, neither does the tooth fairy, or even Santa Clause – they look at me like I have a third eye.

I have to say I don’t like this feeling. It’s like can you PLEASE stop looking at me like I am weird, because I already feel uncomfortable around you simply because I am overweight…and maybe I don’t feel too confident in my looks right now.

I hate talking about Halloween, Christmas, and Easter. My son just lost his first tooth, I hate talking to people about this event because they think we celebrate the tooth fairy. I often wonder if any of it is all worth it. I mean people who are Christians and celebrate these things seem to have happy well adjusted children. Why put ourselves through all this guilt, and weirdness, if there isn’t going to be some type of pay off?

One thing that makes it REALLY uncomfortable is to talk about my beliefs with other Christians, because if I tell them WHY according to the Bible we shouldn’t do these things, they may feel judged by me…which is not my intentions. But just in their looks towards me, I feel judged…

Sometimes I do wish God would just reveal to me the purpose behind all of this, and why I am convicted but not my other Christian friends. Sometimes I just wish I could have peace about it all, and stop feeling GUILTY like I am doing something horrible to my children.

I know I am not. I see how they are, and you know what I am proud of them. Are my kids perfect, no. But they do seem to really appreciate life for what it is, not just looking forward to another event or toy to satisfy them. They seem content.

I know that God is not the one who is making me feel guilt. No, guilt is a tool of the enemy, and he is really good at using it.

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