Lately I have been feeling so inadequate, or even overwhelmed with the simple act of serving God.
Doors have been opening, and I just went through them knowing that what I would be asked to do isn’t something I am necessarily “good at.” But I went anyways because it was an invitation that seemed out of the blue and I had been praying for God to open up the doors.
Also I just started a Bible Study at Church, and honestly the book we are reading is a bit overwhleming. Not only do I not have a whole lot of time to add another Bible Study to my list of things to do, I don’t really care for the book. It’s different, and honestly it’s difficult for me to really relate to the style of writing. I think the book is definitely speaking truth, but in a different way than I would approach it. So it’s hard to relate to the book. But I committed myself to it because I really want to be apart of a Bible Study group at my Church.
I’ve thought about quitting both of these opportunities to serve the Lord and grow in my relationship with the Lord. It just seems so overwhelming, and I don’t really feel like *I* am gaining anything from them.
However I am at a point where I don’t think I’m trying to force anything when it comes to serving God, I’m trying to wait and see. I want to be still and serve without wishing to receive anything in return. If this is what God has brought to me, if this is the door He has opened, I want to go through it with an open heart.
But I have to be honest, there are moments when I have no idea what God is up to, and I just show up. I show up because I know God wants me there, but I don’t know why He wants me there. I am at a point where I want to serve God even if I am scared, or don’t feel like serving Him. This is when I need to just go because God says go. This is where my life is at right now. I go because He says go.
- I live because He says live.
- I serve because He says serve.
- I write because He says write.
- I speak because He says speak.
- I shut up because He says be quiet.
- I say sorry because He says I should.
- I forgive because He says He can’t hear my prayers through my un-forgiveness.
I do because He says do. I show up because that’s where He wants me to go. Even thought my heart may not be in it, and deep down inside I might be wishing I could be somewhere else, I show up. Sometimes obedience requires you to just show up, and then everything else will flow from that obedience. Obedience doesn’t always feel good, nor do we desire to obey all the time, but God promises to bless those who obey Him.
So my advice to anyone who asks, would be: If you feel like God is calling you to do something, and you don’t really feel like doing it. Just do it. Just show up. Even if your heart’s not in it, God will see that you have put your “self” aside and obeyed Him simply because you love Him.
I think showing up is certainly an act of love towards God.
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