In all honesty I’m just tired. It seems like everything just keeps happening all at once, and the worst part, I feel so alone! I can’t even tell you how nice it would be to have a friend right now…
I’m not sure when everything just got up rooted in our life, but I’m thinking it began when my husband started going back to school. We only made that move simply because it was a door that was opened for us so we went through. We knew it would be difficult, but we did it anyways in hopes that we were being obedient to God.
Well now the past 4 months has happened, and he will be done with school. I can’t even tell you how things have just fallen through, it really feels like the floor is collapsing beneath us. I can only wonder what God is up to.
I am really tired though. I’m tired of the lack of support I have. I’m tired of the people he works for showing poor leadership skills. They are messing with people’s lives and families, and they don’t even care.
What does God want from me? Does He want me to forgive? Be patient? Work more? Be still….?
I don’t know what God wants. I wish I knew why all this was happening. I hate not knowing. Maybe it has something to do with control, but I do trust God and that’s one thing that has been reinforced through all of this. I even trust my husband a little more too…which is a breakthrough.
I mean I get it, I can’t control everything. Actually I control NOTHING, I get it. Why does God insist on proving it…in every area of my life?
My plans are like nothing, ha! Just so ridiculous, I hate planning anymore. Because when I plan, hope, and wish it never goes the way I want it to, and that makes me so upset.
I’m just tired. I feel weakened, and I just want to sit here and just let life happen to me. I can’t fight it anymore. Whatever happens, happens, I guess…
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