I’m not really sure if there is one problem right now. But it seems that there is some restlessness going on in our family lately.

Not just with me, but with my husband as well. Sometimes I wish I just knew what to do, but that’s not making itself apparent at all. I’m not really sure what God wants us to do.

I know that this year is definitely a year of changes. But I really think it is wearing down on my husband for sure. He has just been very stressed out, angry, discontent, and so much more. Which worries me because it is NOT like him.

If you met anyone who actually knew my husband then they would tell you he is laid back, patient, and just very mellow.

Part of me welcomes this new side of my husband, simply because his mellow side almost feels like apathy. It almost felt like he didn’t ever really care.

But now it does. He feels engaged with our life and he is taking more responsibility in leading this family. Which is what God wants, and I know that it needs to happen. It’s been a huge focus of ours, my husband taking up the leadership role in our home. It hasn’t been easy, especially for me. It requires a lot of trust on my part, and a lot of work and dedication on my husbands part.

He is still growing in His walk with the Lord ( who isn’t?) and sometimes he just doesn’t know WHAT to do.

Part of me thinks this is why I just don’t know what to do….I think it’s just time for my HUSBAND to seek out God’s Will, not me. I have ideas, and I make suggestions. But ultimately it’s my husband who needs to see what God wants for this family.

This is difficult for me. I’m just so use to receiving the revelation from God and moving our family in that direction. I’m finding it hard to just REST in my role as wife and mother. Wife being I am my husbands helper. Mother being I am my children’s teacher and nurturer.

On Monday I found peace in this role. Ever since then I have been trying to get it back.

I have so many ideas and a heart to further God’s Kingdom beyond my home. However I am not sure if it is God’s plans for me to do so. Life is just messy right now. We don’t really have a stable ground (and by stable ground I mean MONEY!) to stand on. Maybe that’s what the Bible is talking about when it comes to the foundation of sand. I guess money really isn’t a real foundation you can every really rely on.

Not really sure where any of this is going. But there has been a real problem here lately, and I’m having a very difficult time figuring out what that problem is!

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So today marked a very big day for my family and I. It was a huge accomplishment. One that I had doubted we would ever make. My husband told me on the phone “I couldn’t have done it without you.” That made my heart melt.

When we first started on the journey 14 months ago I was afraid. Afraid of how we were going to make it financially, and of the sacrifice the entire family was going to have to make in order to accomplish this goal.

But we did it. We did it because we felt like God had opened that door. Given it was certainly a mountain we had to climb, and I didn’t really know WHY God had opened that door. But the more we move forward, I’m beginning to see more and more of the WHY.

The theme that is really just playing in my mind and my LIFE right now – don’t give up. I have seen Christ’s strength in my life so much these past 14 months – probably the MOST I have ever witnessed in my entire life or my entire walk with Him. We have had difficult times in the past, but some how this time was different.

I’m seeing now, that there is a lot of stuff I thought I couldn’t do, but I was able to do it….and I didn’t lose my mind, and I’m STILL ALIVE! HA!

My marriage is stronger because of it, and that alone made it all worth it.

As I sit and think about everything else that will be “difficult” – I just keep thinking about what we, as a family, just accomplished.

Life is a race. It is about endurance. The key for me right now, is to learn how to enjoy the race and not keep looking towards the finish line.

I still believe, that no matter what, God is good and He has great plans for this family…

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