OK so I’m a bit upset about how things are going. Nothing is going as planned. We look to God to OPEN DOORS but they just remain tightly shut.

It’s been something that has been happening for awhile. I just don’t get it! I keep telling myself it’s happening for a reason, but I still don’t see it. A lot of the things we are depending on can only be brought forth by God.

Of course I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I really don’t want to wallow here.

God is revealing himself to me in many different ways, but not the ways I would like Him to. It almost feels like He’s not there to hold us up anymore, but just when I’m thinking this He does something that just says “I’m still here.”

I keep telling myself to be patient, and keep the faith. But it’s difficult when I do this and nothing happens. Or it doesn’t go the way it needs to go.

I guess we are just struggling right now, and I know we’re not the only ones. Thinking it must be something in the air.

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I have to say the past 5 months have just been shaken up all for us. Everything we thought was going to happen. All of our plans, done. I honestly have no idea what to expect anymore.

Lately there has been so much frustration because nothing seems to be going our way. It just feels difficult, like there is really no one on our side. I know this is taking on the victim mentality, and I hate it. But sometimes it’s difficult to understand this stuff when you have no idea what is going on.

Even if God did reveal to me what was happening, I’m not sure I would have enough confidence in that revelation.

There are times when I think I can see where God is going with all of this. But then it doesn’t go that way. So I get confused, frustrated, and really discouraged.

I have to admit I’m a little angry at the situation right now. Right now we are going through a lot of stuff that was not caused by our own doing, it’s all completely out of our control. We’re trying to keep a good attitude, but I’m very tired, and so is everyone in this family.

It’s been a rough 5 months. I’m not sure when it will get better. But I am working to cling to what I do know. Reading the Bible and praying is what grounds me in this moment where it feels like my entire life has been shaken all to pieces.

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