OK, so I confess, my confidence in God has been shaken. I never thought I’d say that.

It used to feel so good when we were blessed and I knew the blessing was there to stay. Or when I just KNEW what God had planned for our family, and it felt even better when I could see God moving us in that direction.

I use to be able to count on God’s blessings, and guidance. But after my husband found out information about his big pay cut this year, my confidence has truly been shaken.

I crave to hear His voice once again and know that it’s HIM. I want to know “What next God?” I want to be confident in Him again. I want to live my life like I use to, fearless of whatever comes my way, and confident in the Lord’s gifts and promises.

How can we go through this life without ever really having our confidence shaken? We know that trials will come our way. I guess my confidence has been shaken because everything I thought I had known to be unfolding didn’t seem possible with all that was happening in my life.

But then I sit here and see – it’s all moving forward. A lot of the things I wanted to do, but was afraid to do after the pay cut, we are still doing. But I still feel like one of the biggest moves for us is being threatened around every corner. It has been since last year. So many times I thought, this is it, it may NEVER happen.

I had feared that a new baby would never happen because of my husband’s wall he had up towards the whole situation, now that wall is down. I had feared that a new baby would never happen because of my personal health problems, but that was found to be a false alarm. I had feared that a new baby would never happen because of money, this huge set back we faced at the beginning of this year, but it seems like things are still moving in that direction.

Recently my husband went to the Doctor for some digestive issues he’s been having. He needs to go for more tests, and the Doctor thinks it’s something a simple surgery can take care of, but there is always the possibility of it being more….and the more is what scares me.

I think about the “what if” and it makes me mad. It’s all going back to not being able to do what I think God wants us to do, and it’s really shaking up my confidence.

I keep thinking about a quote I heard:

When things feel like they are falling apart, they are really just falling into place.

I have to believe that GOD is up to something! He is moving us forward, shifting around what needs to be shifted around.

I’m also praying that whatever my husband is going through – that it’s not serious. How wonderful it would be if it was easy to cure. I just want him here with me. I need him here with me. We have so many things to accomplish in order to further God’s Kingdom.

There have been just so many things happening lately – my confidence in God is truly fragile right now.

Prayer Request: If you all could please say a prayer for my husband’s health, I would so greatly appreciate it! Thank you!

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You know I try not to judge others, especially Christians. I don’t think it’s our place to say whether or not someone is “Christian” enough. I believed we are all saved the moment we believe in Jesus, and I believe we start the sanctification process once we REALLY commit our life to Christ and vow to live our life for Him, and seek God’s will everyday of our life.

It’s not my place to say who is Christian enough. I’m not going to judge anyone. But I will say that anyone who judges other Christians, bashes them, criticizes them, or belittle them is wrong! Does that mean you’re “not a Christian”, NO! But it does mean your wrong. Wrong is wrong, right is right.

I’m tired of reading CHRISTIAN books that say Christians who homeschool their children are LIVING IN A BUBBLE! I’m tired of reading blogs that make fun of other Christians and mock them. I’m tired of it all.

But most of all – it’s all very confusing! What does it really mean to be a Christian? What does Christianity look like?

If I’m confused then I’m sure the non-believer is also confused! I can tell you one thing Christianity is NOT what it is being portrayed on the internet or in some books. Yes, people make mistakes, but it’s getting to be a bit ridiculous.

More and more Christians (both liberal and conservative) are looking more and more like the world, and it’s sad. You know sometimes I WISH I could live in a bubble, but I know that’s not what God wants. But you know it’s not easy being different.

Praise God though that my little life – made up of a mom (me), a daddy (my husband), and three kids can be my safe place. We are all working to be in line with God’s will for our life. If people can’t stop and see that, and instead criticize it, then so be it.

I am just so confused…being a Christian is more difficult among other Christians. The non believer accepts my beliefs more than the believer does…

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