Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve written on this blog. I’ve been gone way too long!
So much has happened, it’s difficult to cover everything. God has certainly been showing Himself, supporting, and encouraging me. However lately I will admit, it hasn’t been enough for me. Which is silly, but right now I am struggling with anger.
You see there are a lot of critics out there, and a lot of times I can see where they are coming from, and I do have compassion for them. I can often relate to what they are going through because I have been there myself. However what I don’t understand is the hateful and critical words being spoken to me without them even knowing ME.
In ministry when these words are spoken to me I feel like what I do sacrifice isn’t good enough, and that’s where the anger comes in. I think about all the time I spend away from my kids, how much my husband works to support us, and all the work I have to do in order to make the ministry what it is, and I do it out of the sheer desire to serve God. Nobody is getting rich off of this, I do get fulfillment out of what is produced and the encouraging words from others. But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t rather just be a mom, and sometimes that is what I wish for, especially when people make certain comments or when rejection comes.
I am on a mission for God, but it makes me ANGRY when people make negative remarks because I feel like it belittles all that I do. There is probably a bit of resentment there, too. Lord knows I don’t want to resent this ministry. But the Lord also knows that my passion for it is dwindling so very fast, simply because of occasional comments and mean words.
That’s another thing that frustrates me, the negative is a very small fraction of the positive. But the negative is ALL I see. Why can’t the positive be good enough? Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m not good enough?
It’s a tricky world out there. You can’t please everyone, and I’m so frustrated because I know this but I still wish I could. I know the truth, but something inside my heart is holding me back from embracing that truth, and I’m not sure what that is…
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