If you’ve been reading this blog then you probably know what this title is referring to. I just want to say that the desire and pulling to have another baby has NOT gone away.

I was reading one of my personal journals awhile back, and I found the entry where I wrote “I think God wants us to have another baby.” That was 3 years ago…

The “baby” hasn’t gone away. In all honesty I feel like EVERYTHING we are going through right now is due to this “baby!”

Recently I started a Bible Study at my church and my prayer before the Bible Study was that mine and my husbands heart become aligned with God’s will for our life, and in particular, God’s will about “the baby.”

For so long my prayers have consisted of “Change my husbands heart.” or “God change MY HEART!” But neither of those prayers have been answered. Then my husband has been praying for his heart to change…I really just think we need to align our hearts with God’s will. I believe all of our hearts are in a different place right now.

But the desire to have another baby has not gone away, but I will say my desire for my husband and I to be on the same page as God is greater than the desire to have another baby. I still feel like it’s God’s will and I will learn to trust in Him.

But the last few weeks have been difficult. It’s been filled with a lot of trials. I refuse to blame anyone right now. It’s not what God would want. I think we all need to take ownership in the part we play in every situation.

But today has been difficult…and yet full of understanding and revelation from God. My prayer for now is to just know HOW to be the wife God wants me to be. There is certainly a change going on in our life, and even though change is difficult, it ALWAYS brings me hope.

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My husband told me this Sunday, after church, that he is moving towards being OK with having another baby. He said there were a lot of babies in church (I wasn’t at the service, I had a meeting to go to) and he was just thinking about what it would be like to have a baby in the house. This of course brings me hope. I’m not sure if his thoughts were in anyway influenced by this weeks message at church which was “selfless love.” I can only speculate.

However it was very good news to me. Though the events we having coming up over the next year, even if his thoughts do change, the money situation will be yet another obstacle to overcome. Unless God wants to work a miracle and over rule the vasectomy we chose to have four years ago.

My husband also said that he is confident that if another baby is truly God’s will then it will happen. I agree.

I still have hope for another baby. I still feel overwhelmingly that it is God’s will for us to have more children. I am also very hopeful that God will open doors, change hearts, and maybe even work a miracle or two.

Although I am confused by our financial “crisis” coming up in 2010, which will include a HUGE pay cut at hubby’s work and should last about a year. So I am confused about that, but I am choosing to believe and trust God.

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