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Moving Forward

My husband told me this Sunday, after church, that he is moving towards being OK with having another baby. He said there were a lot of babies in church (I wasn’t at the service, I had a meeting to go to) and he was just thinking about what it would be like to have a baby in the house. This of course brings me hope. I’m not sure if his thoughts were in anyway influenced by this weeks message at church which was “selfless love.” I can only speculate. ;)

However it was very good news to me. Though the events we having coming up over the next year, even if his thoughts do change, the money situation will be yet another obstacle to overcome. Unless God wants to work a miracle and over rule the vasectomy we chose to have four years ago.

My husband also said that he is confident that if another baby is truly God’s will then it will happen. I agree.

I still have hope for another baby. I still feel overwhelmingly that it is God’s will for us to have more children. I am also very hopeful that God will open doors, change hearts, and maybe even work a miracle or two.

Although I am confused by our financial “crisis” coming up in 2010, which will include a HUGE pay cut at hubby’s work and should last about a year. So I am confused about that, but I am choosing to believe and trust God.

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Slap in the Face

Today I came across two blogs where people are like “I’m pregnant, look at my growing belly” and it really just feels like a slap in the face. I hate myself for not being happy for them the first minute I read they are pregnant. I’m mad that the first thing I think about is how much I want to be pregnant right now.

It’s wrong for me to think like this, I know. I am blessed to have 3 beautiful, happy, and HEALTHY children. I should just automatically be happy for them, but honestly it takes a minute for the sting to go away before I can truly be happy for them, and once I do get there I am totally and completely happy for them.

Last night hubby and I had another talk about another baby. One thing he said that is so true – “Our goal isn’t to have another baby.” He’s right. Our goal isn’t to have another baby, our goal is to live a life for God, have a healthy marriage, raise godly children, and serve the Lord with our lives. Another baby will just be another blessing.

So that’s what I’m working towards. I just wish I didn’t think about having a baby it so much….

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