So many changes are happening in our life right now. Honestly they are all good changes, and all of them show us that God is truly the one who provides for us and is in control of our life.

However for some reason I can see the open doors but I’m not motivated to walk through them. It’s like God is literally showing us the way to go, and yet I am not willing to go there. I can see Him waiting for me and all I can do is look at Him and say “I’m scared.” or “I don’t FEEL like it.”

Can you imagine saying these things to GOD?

I honestly feel like such an idiot. How can I do this. I know that God understands though. He has to understand. Some of the things He wants us to do IS scary, and exhausting, not to mention stressful.

They require some sacrifice too, which I have been struggling with. I’m beginning to realize that this life isn’t just about my enjoyment, and in order to follow God and His will for my life it requires a great deal of sacrifice on my part. It’s called taking up your cross.

You know I often complain that there are too many “no’s” in the Christian faith and I DO struggle with this, but you know when I sit back and think about Jesus and the sacrifice He made for ME and YOU I just simply sit back and shut my mouth.

I don’t think God is trying to throw anything in my face, and I don’t feel like He is annoyed with me. Honestly I see a God who is a bit discouraged. Of course He can see all the beauty that will come from our sacrifice, and I can see it a bit too, however oddly enough that doesn’t motivate me.

What motivates me?

The desire to obey the Lord. I know what life holds when we are disobedient to God and His word. I know what my life was before I knew the Lord. All the blessings in the world will never motivate me more than the sheer desire to serve Him, and the fear I have in the Lord.

Yes, I do fear the Lord and I don’t think that is a bad thing. He is GOD. He can, and one day will, destroy this world for HIS glory and to further HIS kingdom. We can deny this all we want. But GOD is GOD, and I do fear Him. But I also know out of my fear comes obedience, and God offers MANY promises to those who fear Him – in other words those who RESPECT Him and OBEY His word.

I’m not motivated by shiny things, because the shiny things will one day go away. But I am motivated by my fear in the Lord. I respect Him and want to show my respect by obeying His word and moving forward, with His guidance, to the place He wants me to be.

What motivates you?

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I’m not really sure if there is one problem right now. But it seems that there is some restlessness going on in our family lately.

Not just with me, but with my husband as well. Sometimes I wish I just knew what to do, but that’s not making itself apparent at all. I’m not really sure what God wants us to do.

I know that this year is definitely a year of changes. But I really think it is wearing down on my husband for sure. He has just been very stressed out, angry, discontent, and so much more. Which worries me because it is NOT like him.

If you met anyone who actually knew my husband then they would tell you he is laid back, patient, and just very mellow.

Part of me welcomes this new side of my husband, simply because his mellow side almost feels like apathy. It almost felt like he didn’t ever really care.

But now it does. He feels engaged with our life and he is taking more responsibility in leading this family. Which is what God wants, and I know that it needs to happen. It’s been a huge focus of ours, my husband taking up the leadership role in our home. It hasn’t been easy, especially for me. It requires a lot of trust on my part, and a lot of work and dedication on my husbands part.

He is still growing in His walk with the Lord ( who isn’t?) and sometimes he just doesn’t know WHAT to do.

Part of me thinks this is why I just don’t know what to do….I think it’s just time for my HUSBAND to seek out God’s Will, not me. I have ideas, and I make suggestions. But ultimately it’s my husband who needs to see what God wants for this family.

This is difficult for me. I’m just so use to receiving the revelation from God and moving our family in that direction. I’m finding it hard to just REST in my role as wife and mother. Wife being I am my husbands helper. Mother being I am my children’s teacher and nurturer.

On Monday I found peace in this role. Ever since then I have been trying to get it back.

I have so many ideas and a heart to further God’s Kingdom beyond my home. However I am not sure if it is God’s plans for me to do so. Life is just messy right now. We don’t really have a stable ground (and by stable ground I mean MONEY!) to stand on. Maybe that’s what the Bible is talking about when it comes to the foundation of sand. I guess money really isn’t a real foundation you can every really rely on.

Not really sure where any of this is going. But there has been a real problem here lately, and I’m having a very difficult time figuring out what that problem is!

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