Avoiding God

Do you ever have those moments when you just avoid God? When I’m avoiding God I make up excuses not to read His word, or to type up devotionals I have sitting in my notebook (like I’m doing right now!)

Lately I have been working more on furthering my ministry online which includes being in the Word daily and posting Bible Studies. For some reason I have been making up excuses, or just blatantly ignoring this task. It’s as if I have been avoiding God.

This has me asking, why? Why am I avoiding God? First I go to my life and see if I am harboring any sin, and I don’t think I am, at least none that I know of. Except for maybe the lack of patience and the anger that I deal with on a daily basis. But these two things are nothing new! I deal with them everyday, and God knows that – He helps me deal with my impatience and anger.

So what else could it be?

Well I really think it could be one of two things, or possible even both.

1.) I have been feeling overwhelmed with life. Everything in my life seems to be “breaking” – literally.

My heart – broken.
My dreams – broken.
My water heater – broken.
My Lawn Mower – broken.
My couch and love seat – broken.
My 4 year old’s right arm – broken.
The lamp in my living room – broken.
My chairs for my too small of a table for our family – breaking (literally on it’s last leg – pun intended!)

What is God trying to tell me, I have no idea. But it certainly is overwhelming. I’m tired of things breaking! If God wants ME to be broken, then I’m really not sure what needs to be broken?

2.) I’m scared. I’m scared that what I say or how I think and feel isn’t good enough. Even though when I DO sit down to spend time with the Lord I feel His spirit come right alongside me. I just start writing, and the thoughts just start flowing. I truly believe this is what God wants me to do, but I am just so scared. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, or mislead anyone. I’m afraid I will make a mistake, so I feel like if I hide behind a wall then I won’t make any mistakes.

I DO trust God. So that’s why I don’t think this is the ONLY reason why I am avoiding Him. Whenever I do go to Him He is always there.

I dislike avoiding God. It puts an uneasiness within me that is difficult to explain. Maybe God is trying to tell me something – something I don’t want to hear so I’m just ignoring Him.

I thought I had done what He has wanted me to do, but now I’m not so sure. IF I am the one He’s trying to break then I guess I better try and listen to as to what it is He wants me to break from my life, because I honestly have no idea what that is. But my guess is that’s what God is trying to show me.

There is something in my life that’s not quite right. It’s keeping me from God’s purpose for my life. I need to listen to Him even if it’s going to hurt a little.

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