One morning I woke up to a moth in my house. Something that has never happened to me before. Espescially in the winter. The night before, I prayed to God for the answers to my problems that are identical to yours. I used to feel like I had a handle on life and now it kinda seems out of control. Anyways, this moth seemed to be coming at me like it was on a mission. Things out of the ordinary to me I look up online for references in the bible. So I got on google and looked for a correlation between moths and scripture. Odd way of finding interpretation but what I found has astonished me.
look at Matthew 6:19-20….God wants us to be the best and to treat everyone with love and kindness and his teachings may be hard to hear sometimes.

We are all fighting a battle of worldly issues. God says to us to stay strong, to resist temptation.

Matthew 6:19-20
“Rust” represents anything that “eats into” and destroys things more durable than clothing. In this parable, it has a wider application than mere iron oxide. Rusting or oxidation will eventually corrode all metal, including silver and gold; all of our physical treasure will deteriorate in time (Proverbs 23:4-5; James 5:3). Once moths and rust settle on an object, they gradually eat their way from the exterior to the interior. Thus, beyond their ability to destroy physical objects, moths and rust represent the decay of a person’s life.

You have to turn your focus to bettering your spirit and your soul. WE ARE ALL SINNERS. We are all guilty of greed and desires of the heart that are ungodly. WE ALL ARE. So get the idea that no one is better than anyone.

In my opinion, and I say all this only to help, is that you have a weakness somewhere and you know it or all of these things in your life wouldn’t be happening so you’re reaching out because it’s on the tip of your tongue but can’t quite figure it out. It’s time to become a warrior spirit and to make a stand against the evils of the world. In order to do this we must let go of our worldy image of ourselves and accept that we are God’s creation. Which you have all ready done or you wouldn’t be reaching for God. You are a victim or the world, as am I and God wants it to change. He always has and has sent Jesus as our last chance for salvation.

However I see someone who gets God and truly wants to understand him and wants him in their life. You’re a rare one. I think you just need a little reassurance and encouragement and you will do fine. Try finding different friends and people who will support you. Reach down and really find what your heart says is your purpose. Honesty hurts yes, but you are building your character and god is building you to prepare you for something bigger than what we know. You really can’t blame God for anything, becuase he’s tried many things to change the human race. You just have to keep being the smarter one that you are and rise above the hilacious medical policies, corrupt gov’t, and the evils of money.

hope this helps a little or get heart going in the right direction.