You know I’m beginning to think that I:
- Think too much.
- I question too much.
The days have seemed a lot more complicated lately. I wonder, and wonder what God is doing, and what He has planned. I question should I be doing this…or that with my life?
When something goes wrong, I try and figure out why it went wrong and what lesson I’m suppose to be learning from it.
You know, for some reason I think and act like the fate of this world is teetering on whatever decision I need to make next. I’m afraid to make the wrong decision. I just want to get it all right, and I want to be doing everything God wants me to do.
This is all wrong in so many ways. I am not a god. I really need to stop acting like I am one. It’s time for me to once again climb down from my pedestal and stop TRYING to be every thing to every one.
The only thing is I can’t find the balance between trying to do too much, and not doing enough. Especially when it comes to moving forward. If I’m not constantly pondering every little move I make, then I usually get comfortable and don’t move at all.
I really would like the peace that comes with seeing where everything is going from here. You know about a 18 months ago I was thinking about how our life had come to a stand still – no real change in any direction. Then I started really thinking we should make some changes, BIG changes. We made some, and it seems like that first step towards change has truly rocked our world. It’s made it not so boring anymore.
I’m just wondering how do you enjoy life when you have no idea where it is going? My focus needs to remain on God, but for some reason I think I’m just trying to cling to Him rather than do anything else. It kind of reminds me of being a child riding their first roller coaster, being so scared you just bury your face in your daddy’s arm because you are just so scared to look. But at the last minute you open your eyes and you have the most fun ever, then at the end you want to go on the ride AGAIN!
I can sit here and say I don’t really know what God wants me to do, but I’m not sure that would be entirely true. I think I have an idea of what He wants, but most of all I feel Him calling me to especially communicate more with my husband. I really think He’s not revealing everything to me because He wants me to turn to my husband, and He wants us to move forward together.
That’s one thing I do know about God’s will for my life. He wants me to join forces with my husband in order to walk through this life. SO you see I guess I DO know what God wants me to do, but I’m just so scared to do it I just want to bury my face into His arm until the ride is over…
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[[[hugs]]]