I never thought this blog would turn into my journey to have another baby, but it really kind of has.

Just the other day the sting of wanting another baby was so very real. To be honest my heart is over the waiting, but with every step we take to move forward the waiting will always be a factor.

As for my husband being on board with the whole idea of a baby, his words are “God is moving us in that direction.” We recently put the cost of a vasectomy reversal on the “financial plan” which probably won’t happen any time soon. But at least it’s on the financial plan, which is a HUGE step further in the right direction. But it’s more waiting.

Once the vasectomy reversal is done, there will be more waiting, I am sure. All my online research is saying expect 1-2 years before everything is a GO. Well I know God is bigger than that and it will all happen according to HIS timing, but again waiting. Whether it happens in 1 month or 2 years, I will still have to wait, not knowing WHEN it’s going to happen. Then when it does happen, guess what, more waiting! I mean it takes 9 LONG MONTHS to grow a human being!

I’m not really sure why God gave me the heart and desire to go for this. I feel like it has been me fighting for another baby every step of the way. So many times I have wanted to give up, but I couldn’t. How can you give up fighting for another baby, especially if that’s what God has placed on your heart to do?

People deal with this every day. I guess I’m just not use to this. It still stings. But I will say this, a year ago I thought we were being shoved off a cliff and the possibility of having another child would NEVER happen. Well one year later and somehow God turned that cliff into a sky dive towards His plan and purpose, making it even more possible than it ever would have been before to have another baby. He did this in ONE year. I can only imagine what He will do with this next year.

One thing is for sure, He is certainly moving us in that direction, and I’m starting to get impatient. This usually happens when we are oh, so close to what He has planned for us.

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Not too long ago I wrote about how sometimes “normal” tries to lure me back. But when I wrote the post I didn’t even know that my husband was having a bit of the same feelings. He recently told me he was getting tired of feeling like an outcast.

But you know our feeling like an outcast is really based on the lifestyle we have chosen, and I have to admit a lot of the times I question whether or not this lifestyle is really the best lifestyle. But in all reality, we try to live our life the best way we know how in order to honor God. He has blessed us with so much, and we feel the desire to give back as much as we can.

God really does take care of us. This whole discontent with feeling like an outcast is really getting to me, because that’s exactly what it is, discontent. And it’s beginning to affect everyone in this house.

It’s hard to live a life where you are trying to honor God with your money, or commit to training up your children according to God’s word. There are so many times when I just want to walk into Target and buy everything to my heart’s desire. Everyday I wonder if homeschooling is really what’s right for our family, and for our kids. I dream of putting them on the school bus so that I can get 6 hours of peace every single day.

But I don’t believe that’s what God has called our family to do. So right now I am just praying through the discontentment. I am trying to be there for my husband, because frankly, I know how he feels. It can be overwhelming at times, and I need to do what he has done for me in the past…and that is make me realize at how blessed my life truly is and just keep moving forward with what God has called us to do.

It’s not easy, and we are surrounded by a world that doesn’t quite see things the way we see things. Sometimes I think we put the pressure on ourselves, but you now I’ve seen God come through for us so many times that it’s hard to turn away from it.

I firmly believe in the promises of scripture for those who fear the Lord. I want to live my life honoring God because I respect Him for Who He is, and that includes being obedient to the call He has placed on our family, and that includes whether or not it’s in line with how the rest of the world lives their life….even when we feel like an outcast…

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